Someone Worth Dying For

Be patient with this post. I do have a point. I can remember when I was little feeling like I didn't belong, I was a mistake, an after thought, in the way and not of much value. If my parents felt that way I couldn't understand why people wanted to be my friend (I still have problems with that). I didn't feel that what I said or did mattered. No matter how much I tried I couldn't meet some invisible standard that I didn't understand or even know why it was there. I have problems feeling worthy of friends and wondering why Dean would even want to marry me.

I woke up this morning feeling unlovable, unworthy, disgusted with the fact my weight is going in the wrong direction and waking up with a headache to start off my day. It is hard to fathom in these times that God does see us and knows where we are at. God apparently needed me to know that this morning because on the way home from dropping Dean off at work the song "Something worth dying for" came on the radio. I am not just flesh and bone. I am something beautiful. I am seen and known. I am someone worth dying for. Not an easy concept to grasp for this puny brain. God knew I needed to be reminded of this with the way I was feeling. Almost didn't have the radio on on the way home. Needless to say I cried. I don't like to share that I feel this way alot of the time, because it makes me feel like I am fishing for compliments. Compliments can make me feel worse not better. I know I need to be reminded that God sees me in my puny little life. I just wanted to share this in case someone else was feeling the same way.

YOU ARE MORE THAN FLESH AND BONES. YOU ARE SEEN AND YOU ARE KNOW. YOU ARE SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE SOMEONE WORTH DYING FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Surprise!!!! I Am Not Perfect!

The title of the devotional I read today was titled  - "Expecting Perfection and Accepting Humanity".   I wonder how many of us have a hard time with that.  I think it is easier to understand when a non-believer doesn't understand when we fall off the perfection wagon, because they usually equate salvation with perfection.  Really!!  I am just like any one else.   I have my good days and bad days.  Sometimes the bad days are more than I can handle and I make stupid decisions.  That doesn't make my faith fraudulent.  If salvation made us perfect how would we understand the imperfections of others.  Christ was on earth in human form so that he could understand us and we could relate to Him (at least I think so).   I have a tendency to lean toward the good in people, which sometimes drives my husband nuts.  I can help it.  I see the imperfections in myself and appreciate it when people give me the benefit of the doubt.  I also realize that when bad behavior is consistent and there isn't a change on the horizon that the benefit of the doubt goes out the window.  I try hard not to judge someone on the little snapshot of their lives that I get.  Of course you aren't in the car with me when someone cuts me off or gets in my way.  Hence the imperfection of me coming out.

One of the things that I remember about getting to know the people of my church is that drinking alcohol is something done pretty openly.  I can't remember ever hearing or seeing anyone drink alcohol when I was growing up.  That isn't to say that it wasn't done, it was just that when you were spending time with someone from the church you didn't.  I was surprised and kind of judgey about it at first.  Then I realized what a hypocrite I was being.  My sister Dee and I would go out alot to eat once I learned how to drive.  When I was old enough we also had a drink with our meal.  It felt good to be doing something behind my parents back, and it was enjoyable.  So I don't have a problem with it anymore, but I also realize that is an area that as Christians we need to be careful about.  I was reading Romans 14 - 15:7 where it talks about that. 

Lord, please help me to realize that imperfection is apart of who we all are and that is why you came to die on the cross for us.  I want to mange my imperfections and to strive to be more like you.  I also know that I won't be perfect until I get to heaven.  Help me to be tolerant of others imperfections.  Use my imperfections to possibly open a door to share my faith with someone.  Amen

Consider It Pure Joy...

This morning I was having another difficult time waking up.  I was struggling with my emotions about having to be up to make breakfast for Dean and I.  I didn't want to do it.  I grumbled while doing it.  I grumbled more when instead of coming to breakfast first he took a shower.  I fussed about his eggs getting cold.  I didn't want to make more.  It hit me that I needed to check the attitude before Dean got to the table.  I finished getting the apple ready and sat down and ate my breakfast.  I put his eggs back in the skillet that was still warm.  I apologized about the eggs being cold.  Made sure that he had all he needed (food wise) for the day, gave him a kiss goodbye and then he was off. 

So...  what do I sit down and read, but

James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds. 

If you have checked in with my other posts you will know that I am doing the devotional book that goes along with the Made To Crave book by Lysa TerKeurst.  This was the verse for today.  It doesn't say have joy when you have trails.  Because lets face it in the middle of a trail that last thing on your mind is joy.  We are to consider it joy.

 I decided to look up the word consider in the dictionary:
1. to think carefully about, especially in order to make a decision; contemplate; reflect on.
2. to regard as or deem to be
3. to think, believe, or suppose
4. to bear in mind; make allowances for
5. to pay attention to; regard

There is a lot of meaning in that one little word.  We are to think carefully about what is going on in our lives to pay attention to what is happening.  So how do I apply that to my weight loss journey.  If you have never been on a diet it may seem silly to think of it as a trial.  But it is that an more.  Choosing one thing over another can make you feel deprived or a failure.  God isn't asking us to be overflowing with joy when we are eating a salad and someone else gets to eat a tasty cheeseburger.  He wants us to consider that this is temporary and that making the right choices whether it is food or some other difficult situation can bring us that joy.   Don't be a martyr and high and mighty when you make a right decision.  Everyone has struggles, whether we see them or not.  Bear in mind that we are only accountable for ourselves.  Regard your actions carefully.

Such a powerful message one little word was for me this morning.  The outcome of my eating the way I am is to make be a healthier person.  I don't want to be uncomfortable in my own skin.  I want to have a healthy future.  So I WILL consider it a joy when my stomach want a burger and I am stuck with a salad.  Or when I want a nice hunk of bread and I have carrots instead.

Thank you Lord for helping me see this verse in a new way.  Because the blessing we have to consider is "that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:4

Asking The Right Questions

I love this sentence from Made to Crave Devotions by Lysa TerKeurst:  "The only true satisfaction we can seek is the satisfaction of being obedient to the Lord." 

This kind of hit me right in the face.  At breakfast I was feeling rather proud of the fact that I had lost some weight yesterday even though I strayed  from the meal plan.  I made a wise choice for the most part (well except for the fries).  So when I got on the scale this morning and found out I had lost 1.6 lbs I was very happy.  I anticipate getting on the scale to see if there is another weight loss I tell myself I am not going to, but I do anyway.  I was filled with pride and even encouraged my husband to tell me he was proud of me for the loss.

But I also had another accomplishment this week.  I have spent time in my devotions.  Search for a nugget that I can ponder on for the rest of the day.  I also completed a bible study this week (well almost, one more article to read).  Considering that the last couple I have started lay uncompleted, that is a big deal.  But if I am talking to a friend who knows I am on this eating plan which do you think I will be prone to share first.  Yep you got it the weight loss. 

Lord, please help me to find more satisfaction in getting into your word and trying to understand what you are trying to say to me through its pages.  Let the fact that I am spending time with you be the accomplishment that is more important that what I weigh.  Amen.

What If I Let God Down?

I kind of thought this was a stupid excuse when I first saw it.  Who could possibly use this as an excuse not to lose weight.  But as I was reading through the rest of the devotional it started to make sense.  God should be apart of everything in our lives.  He made us and gave us the task of taking care of what He made.  Until I read Made to Crave I didn't realize who being closer to God can help keep us plugging along and picking ourselves up when it comes to food issues.  God is the one lifting us up not the other way around.  So there isn't anyway to let him down. 

The 17 Day Diet has been working very well for me.  I lost 7.8 pounds in the first week.  Mostly from giving up soda.  Staying on it hasn't been very hard.  Although my husband wanting to eat more than what is set aside for the day is kind of hard.  Yesterday was this wonderful soup.  He always has crackers with his soup.  I don't want to deny him small things because I don't want him to get discouraged with this plan.  So I had some Flat Bread crackers right along with him.  I also put extra fruit in the smoothie to help with taste.  I was disappointed that I hadn't lost weight the last couple of days, but then I realized that I am eating better and I have the ability to control my disappointment.  I need to start moving more and doing some exercising. 

I am encouraged that God is interested in even this aspect of my life. 

Unsettled

Don't shoot me if this sounds vaguely familiar, because it is.  I started doing the devotions that went with the book Made To Crave by Lysa TerKeurst back in February.  I only got through a few of them and gave up.  Life just go in the way.  But isn't for life situations that we should be in God's word and preparing ourselves so that we can handle what God places in our lives.  So here I am again.  I was going to look back at what I wrote in February, but changed my mind.  I want to start out fresh.

Since I am doing the 17 Day Diet I thought it would be appropriate to start going through these again. and see what God is going to show me.  Especially because I am trying to change my life where food is concerned.

It is very true that our entire life we are told and taught to get settled.  Settle into a relationship, get settled in a career, get settled in a church, get settled in our faith, get settled where you want to live and (for the purpose of this devotional) we get settled into eating patterns.  Well I am okay with being settled in a relationship, my husband means the world to me.  We are not very settled as to where we are living, although we love where we are, we know that there is always the possibility of his job being phased out and therefore there would be a possible move.  The career part at least for me is not a major issue I am content with working part-time at the Cousin's Subs in my neighborhood.  I love where we live and the church that we found.  What I want to be unsettled in is my faith and my walk with the Lord.  I want "a fresh wind of life twisting and twirling and dancing through my soul".  Instead of craving food or things, I want to crave a more intimate relationship with God.  I have learned that issues with food are apart of who I am and I don't like it .  I want to change those issues and I know that I can do that, with change my focus off of food and things and putting them where they should be.  I know this doesn't mean I won't want to say forget it, but I think I have found something that is helping me lose weight and to put it in it's place.  Food is for sustaining life.  It wasn't designed to take away my sad feelings or help me figure out my emotions.  Regardless of what chocolate makers say it doesn't really help make you feel better at least not in the long-term ways that are needed. 

So here I am Lord.  Thank you for unsettling me and prompting me to start eating better and taking care of this precious gift you have given me.  My life matters to you which includes my health.  I need to be a better steward of this body and take care of it the way you desire me to.  I need to turn to you when I am sad and don't understand why.   I love you so my Lord and it about time that I show that by the way I handle my life.

Dillusions

Do you ever wonder why when you determine to start something why it doesn't seem as easy as you had it planned out in your head.  Examples:  I am going to start setting aside time to read the bible, I really need to do that.  I am going to start praying more.  I am going to get a handle on the projects that need doing around the house.  And my favorite...  I am going to start eating better and lose weight.  The last one is a humdinger isn't it.  When I was going through the book on the 17 Day Diet the first time several years ago my first thoughts were I can't do this.  I wasn't fond of yogurt or eating alot of veggies and fruit seemed like alot of work.  Then they had the audacity to have eggs for breakfast (which wasn't one of my things) and salads.  Yuck!!  So I didn't want to do it.  Didn't care that it would be helpful for me and make me feel better.  Then in the past couple of months many people at our church have gone on it and were having good results.  Now my life has changed enough that I enjoy salads, tolerate yogurt and have the time for breakfast.  So I am stepping out and doing it.   I wish I could say that I haven't been hungry.  That would be a lie.  I know it will pass as days go by.  What do I expect when I didn't eat regular meals, maybe two if that a day.  Whenever I eat three meals in a day I am always hungry a few hours after I eat which makes me want to eat more.  So this has been difficult.  Especially at work.  I work at Cousins and smelling the fresh bread and cookies is pure torture.  I have only been on this 1st 17 Days cycle for 4 days and it hasn't been easy.  I have discovered that eating three meals a day with 2 snacks isn't as easy as it sounds.  But I am determined to keep at it.  Especially when I got on the scale the other day and had lost 7 lbs in 3 days.  Cutting out almost all soda (nursed a 20 bottle for three days) is probably a big help.  So I am doing it, albeit reluctantly at times.  I am determined to succeed with alot of prayer support.

One good thing about doing this diet plan is getting up early to make breakfast for my husband and I to eat together before he heads off to work.  It has always been a desire of mine to get up early and have a quiet time with the Lord.  But my desire and my seemingly unwillingness to do cause it to never happen.  Well today I was up having my hot lemon water (not a FAN) I got out my bible and did some reading.  I am going through a Charles Swindoll book called the seasons of life.  I have been attempting to go through it for more years that I care to admit (ok I will admit it probably over 20).  It is designed to read three days a week (Monday, Wednesday, Friday).  I would forget one day or be so busy (sure I was) and I would skip a day.  Then I would just throw my hands up. 

It is interesting that today it was talking about disillusionment and being discouraged.  I have been feeling that alot lately.  I want to spend more time in the Bible and praying, I really do.  My actions wouldn't prove that though.  It isn't like I don't have the time.  I have plenty.  Before doing this breakfast thing I would be up about 8ish shower/bathe and sit and relax catching up on a tv show or something.  Did I!!  NOPE!!!!  I never start work before 10am and right now the latest I work is 2pm.  Dean doesn't get done working until 5pm.  So there is plenty of time to sit and spend time with the Lord... someone I claim to follow and love above all else. 

Today's reading was in Jeremiah where he was crying out about his circumstances.  He was whiplashed 40 times and put in those things where your arms head and legs are trapped and you are bent in half.  He was laughed and and called names, but he still followed the Lord and spoke the truth.  Yikes!!!  Really made me think.  I put so much time and effort into reading books and watching movies or tv.  It is time to funnel that time into something that will be more beneficial to my soul and heart.  Well off to finish my breakfast and get ready for work.

17 Day Diet

I wasn't going to say much about this to anyone but a few ladies that are in a group with me on FaceBook.  When I started thinking about my reasons I realized that I didn't want more people to know in case I failed or didn't follow it exactly.  I didn't want to have accountability to more than those few people.  On the flip side of that is that I wouldn't get the encouragement from those same people.  I talked to my husband and we are starting on this journey together.  This is one of those things that you don't want to do alone and we can encourage each other when we get discouraged.  I know alot of people that are doing this plan, in fact is is affectionately known as the HillCrest Bible Church Diet, that is how many people are doing this.  I have seen how well they have been doing and it made me want to start to eat healthier and have my husband do the same.  I am over 50 (slightly) and Dean will be there soon, and I want to have as many years with this wonderful guy as I can.

I have started out on many journeys to better myself either physically or spiritually, but have not done it.  This time I feel like I can because Dean will be doing this part with me.  I am looking forward to the challenge.  I am not only change my physically appetite, I am also beginning to change my spiritual appetite as well.  I am doing this by trying to read my bible every day and to start a prayer journal.

I am not sure where these changes will take me,  but I am curious to find out.

Joseph

My bible reading plan has been going slow, mostly because I keep forgetting.  The other day I read the first two chapters in Matthew.  Part of chapter one was the lineage of Jesus.  Then it went on to talk about Joseph and his reaction and instructions about what to do about Mary.  I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have an angel appear and tell you what you should be doing.  Under normal circumstances Mary probably would have been stoned to death.  Joseph protected her reputation because of words spoken to him in a dream.  Scary thought!  I don't know if I would listen to anyone in my dreams.  It seems like in this day and age it is harder and harder to determine when God is speaking to us.  There is so much clutter and noise in our lives that it can be very difficult for us to hear the still small voice.  I know I sometimes need a brick upside my head for me to get a clue.  It is a good thing Joseph and Mary listened to what God was telling them.   

A Plan

I started a Bible reading plan last night.  If I follow the plan I will be finished with the entire Bible in 2 years.  Knowing me I doubt I will follow the plan exactly.  I want to take my time and to jump in to a passage and dig out truths and nuggets for my life.  I have three different versions that I want to go through so that I can get a different perspective on the passage I am reading.  One is the NIV.  It is the True Identity which has notes and helpful articles.  I also am using the ESV, which is the version that we read in church.  I also am using a version called The Message, which is a modern version.  I did my first section for about the upteenth time last night.  I read it in The Message.  The section was from Genesis, chapters 1-3.  I  have read this passage hundreds of times, especially the first few verses.    Here is how this version describes it:  "Earth was a soup of nothingness, a bottomless emptiness, an inky blackness."  What a picture these words paint in your mind.  The creation part was worded kind of weird, but it was interesting. 

I also went through a couple of the notes in my NIV.  I had underlined the word rib and wrote this note in the margin:  Not from the head to top him or the feet to be trampled on but of his side to be protected and near to his heart to be loved.  I wish I could remember where I got that from.  I like it!!

Another unique thing I noted in The Message version was in verse 6 of chapter 3.  Where the serpent tempts Eve to eat the fruit from the forbidden tree.  Instead of seeing the fruit was good to eat and that it was good for gaining wisdom, the wording was: that it looked like good eating and she realized what she would get out of it - she'd know everything!  This made me laugh.  Because we all have a tendency at one time or another to think we know everything.  Just like rereading a well know passage to you in another version and finding something new and fresh.

This could be an interesting journey!