Christmas

I am having a hard time with Christmas this year.  I wanted so much to make this Christmas special.  I wanted to decorate the house and make it feel festive.  Didn't have the heart to last year with Dee's passing being so fresh.  Then I got sick and those plans went right out the window.  I managed to put the wreath on the door, but that was as far as it went.

I was finding it difficult to get into the spirit of the holiday without the trappings of decorations and the hustle and bustle of the season.  It got me thinking of Christmas's past and the anticipation of gifts and the decking of the house always made me feel.  Spending time with family and friends.  The traditions we had.  When I was very little I remember some of the decorations would be up and the tree would be in the house, but it was never decorated right away.  I would be sent to bed early on Christmas Eve and while I was sleeping the tree would be transformed to a thing of beauty and the presents would magically appear under the tree.  They would wake me up when everything was done and we would open presents. I appreciated from a very young age the gifts I received.  I seemed to sense the care in which they were chosen for me and even though I might not have gotten everything I wanted, I was grateful for what I got.  I don't see that so much these days.  Kids seem to want such expensive things and get angry when they can't have what they want.  I wish the simpleness of Christmas would return.

I think about those families that won't have much of a Christmas because of job loss or loss of a home.  I also think about those like myself who are trying to come to grips with the loss of a beloved friend or family member.  Those losses can change the meaning of a holiday and how you perceive things around you.  Their absence will be felt keenly by those they have left behind.  I know that even though I will be surrounded by my new family the loss of my sister and parents will not be far from my heart and mind.  Especially my sister who was my best friend when I was little.  She was my safety net from my parents and a hug when I was scared.  She is deeply missed.  I am grateful for the time we had together.

Well I hope and pray that everyone has a safe and peaceful holiday.  May God watch over you and keep you.