Sometimes as I sit here in the quietness of the morning my heart is overwhelmed with so many things that I don't even know what to do with it all. I look at things in my life and wonder what the purpose they could possibly have in the long run, the grand design. I remember hearing a story once that our life is like a quilt design. Working on each individual square it is hard to see the whole. It is only when you can step away and look down from a distance that you are able to see the entire design and see what the layout looks like. How each square fits with the other, which fits in with the whole. It is the same thing with cross-stitch or any other craft. It is only when you step back that you can see the grand design.
I so want to see the grand design of my life sometimes, to see how the dark colors of struggle fit with the bright ones of happiness. In my head I hear Why? God! Why? This doesn't make any sense! I don't have the strength to do this! What is the reason? Then again I don't know if at those times I really want to know the answer. Sometimes I think these things can't possibly go together, how can it go with the rest! But you are the Great designer and I can't possibly see how the weaving together of certain things will affect the final picture. Probably good thing.
Kind of like the story of a man walking on the beach looking back at the footprints of his life and seeing two set of prints during the good times, but only one set during the difficult. Not realizing that during the difficult times God was carrying him. What a wonderful image!!
I know some of what I am feeling this week is from my birthday. I am missing my parents and my sister, especially my sister since her loss is so recent. She never forgot my birthday, never turned me away when I needed to talk or vent. She was a wonderful sister and good friend to her pesky little sister. She was 18 years older than me and didn't need to spend so much time with me when I was growing up, but she did, and for that I was so grateful.
The space she left behind is being filled by all the wonderful people Dean and I have met since attending Hillcrest. My heart is overwhelmed with the fellowship we have experienced. How thirsty I was for fellowship with other women who can understand what I am going through. The desert of my soul is being refreshed!!!
Thank you Lord for guiding me even when I don't realize it!! Help me to not worry about what the quilt of my life will look like!
Love,
Lori
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