Unsettled Heart

Along with doing the book study for Made to Crave I am also doing the devotional that goes for 60 days.

Day one was about praying to be unsettled.  I was kind of disturbed at first when I started reading this, but as I continued to read I realized what a wonderful prayer that would be.  When we reach the early years of adulthood all you hear is about settling down.  For me that meant gainful employment and the urging to find someone get married and start a family.  It is a good thing to be settled as far as that part of our lives goes.  But what about the spiritual side of our lives.  When I think of someone being settled in their faith I think of someone who isn't growing.  They go to church and partake in all the right things and appear to be what should be a growing Christians goal.  Through this devotional I realized that I don't want to be settled in my faith.  I want God to unsettle me in the areas that He wants me to work on.  One of those for me is the way I eat.  I don't want that to become such a focus in my life that it takes me away from what God wants for me.

So I am starting to pray for God to unsettle me so that I can continue to grow into who  God wants me to be.  I pray that for you too!

Made To Crave

Our ladies group at church is do a book study on Made To Crave by Lysa Terkeurst.  I am excited and nervous all at the same time.  The study is divided into 6 sessions each with a 20 minute video.  I am going to share what I am learning along the way.  The first section is about going from Deprivation to Empowerment.  I started thinking about Deprivation today.  When I think about that word I think about the some of the teenagers I see on talk shows who have issues and about some I have heard about through friends or know.  You constantly hear stories of how kids feel entitled to have certain things and do things and if they can't they are Sooooo deprived.  That word has such a bad connotation to it.  But I grew up without having certain things I wanted and didn't get to do everything that I wanted.  I don't remember once feeling like I was deprived of anything.  I wonder if that was because of the church environment I was raised in or something inherent in me.  Where is it written that you are supposed to get everything you want and that it is ok to act so disrespectfully when you don't get it.  I hear the way some of the younger generation speak to their parents and I cringe.  My mom and dad would have never tolerated that from me and I certainly don't get how parents are so tolerant of that behavior.  What does that have to do with the topic?  Well it made me start to think of our attitude to God.  How I struggle with my weight and my spiritual walk.  How sometimes I go from feeling like what is the point of trying if I can't seem to get anywhere; to the feeling of if I am a child of God why shouldn't this be easier and a guarantee.    I should have to struggle with watching what I eat or dealing with depression and feelings of worthlessness.  Kind of amazing what thoughts one little word can sprout isn't it!! 

I use food as a security blanket.  I have been the same weight give or take 10 pounds for probably 30 years.  Not bad when you look at the grand scheme of things.  The problem is that for myself I have also been about 50 pounds over weight for that same amount of time.  Now that really puts things in perspective for me.  It is easier to look at my weight as an achievement (not being more overweight) than as something that isn't right.  So I need to figure out what is my biggest hole in my healthy eating goal and plug that sucker up.  Instead of going to God for comfort and stress relief.  I go to food.  I have done that for so long, it will be a definite challenge to go to prayer and seek God instead of food.  But that is what I am trying to do.  I need to change my mindset from feeling deprived when I don't get to eat cheese corn or brownies to feeling empowered that I don't feel weighted down and discouraged by what I ate.

Somehow I don't think this is going to be easy...  but since doing something is better than wallowing where I am; I am stepping out in faith that by this time next year I will be a healthier me.  Maybe it won't show in how much I weigh.  But finding my heart seeking God more than food will be a much better gift than a smaller number on the dreaded scale.